Post by Alyssa on Oct 11, 2011 13:13:05 GMT -5
from Messy, than you 
Teachers: These are actual comments made on students' report cards by teachers in
the New York City public school system. All teachers were reprimanded
(but, boy, are these funny!)
>>
1. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has
started to dig.
>>
2. I would not allow this student to breed.
>>
3. Your child has delusions of adequacy.
>>
4. Your son is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot. (my
favorite...)
>>
5. Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to
achieve them.
>>
6. The student has a 'full six-pack' but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.
>>
7. This child has been working with glue too much.
>>
8. When your daughter's IQ reaches 50, she should sell.
>>
9. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming..
>>
10. If this student were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a
week.
>>
11. It's impossible to believe the sperm that created this child beat out
1,000,000 others.
>>
12. The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead.
>>
Cops: These are actual comments made by 16 Police Officers. The comments were taken off actual police car videos around the country:
>>
1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."
>>
2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."
>>
3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."
>>
4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
>>
5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you." (LOVE IT)
>>
6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?" (MY FAVORITE)
>>
7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"
>>
8. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
>>
9. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
>>
10. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go
to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."
>>
11. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster
oven."
>>
12. "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC." (National Crime
Information Center)
>>
13. "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"
>>
14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're
allowed to write as many tickets as we can."
>>
15. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of
yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."
>>
AND THE WINNER IS....
>>
16. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we
don't.. Sign here."
Teachers: These are actual comments made on students' report cards by teachers in
the New York City public school system. All teachers were reprimanded
(but, boy, are these funny!)
>>
1. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has
started to dig.
>>
2. I would not allow this student to breed.
>>
3. Your child has delusions of adequacy.
>>
4. Your son is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot. (my
favorite...)
>>
5. Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to
achieve them.
>>
6. The student has a 'full six-pack' but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.
>>
7. This child has been working with glue too much.
>>
8. When your daughter's IQ reaches 50, she should sell.
>>
9. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming..
>>
10. If this student were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a
week.
>>
11. It's impossible to believe the sperm that created this child beat out
1,000,000 others.
>>
12. The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead.
>>
Cops: These are actual comments made by 16 Police Officers. The comments were taken off actual police car videos around the country:
>>
1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."
>>
2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."
>>
3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."
>>
4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
>>
5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you." (LOVE IT)
>>
6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?" (MY FAVORITE)
>>
7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"
>>
8. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
>>
9. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
>>
10. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go
to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."
>>
11. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster
oven."
>>
12. "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC." (National Crime
Information Center)
>>
13. "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"
>>
14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're
allowed to write as many tickets as we can."
>>
15. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of
yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."
>>
AND THE WINNER IS....
>>
16. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we
don't.. Sign here."