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Post by Alyssa on Sept 22, 2011 16:40:05 GMT -5
Welcome to the  Jokester...
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Post by Alyssa on Sept 22, 2011 16:41:39 GMT -5
On reaching his plane seat a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him. He asks the stewardess for a coffee where upon the parrot squawks "And get me a whisky you cow!"
The stewardess, flustered, brings back a whisky for the parrot and forgets the coffee. When this omission is pointed out to her the parrot drains its glass and bawls "And get me another whisky you idiot".
Quite upset, the girl comes back shaking with another whisky but still no coffee. Unaccustomed to such slackness the man tries the parrot's approach "I've asked you twice for a coffee, go and get it now or I'll kick you".
The next moment, both he and the parrot have been wrenched up and thrown out of the emergency exit by two burly stewards. Plunging downwards the parrot turns to him and says "For someone who can't fly, you complain too much!"
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Post by Alyssa on Sept 22, 2011 16:42:23 GMT -5
Two bankers are in a bank when armed robbers burst in.
While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the bankers, up against a wall, and proceed to take their jewelry, wallets and watches.
While this is going on banker number one puts something in banker number two's hand. Without looking down, banker number two whispers, 'What is this?' to which banker number one replies, 'It's that $50 I owe you.'
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A Spanish guy enters a hospital to have a minor operation.
A nurse begins to take down his information: name, insurance company, etc.
"In case of emergency, whom should we notify?"
"You mean if I become very sick?"
"Well . . . yes."
"If that happens, call a doctor!"
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Post by gavinsnana on Oct 1, 2011 10:44:58 GMT -5
A blonde is on
board a small two-seater airplane when suddenly the pilot dies.
Not
knowing how to fly a plane she grabs the radio.
"Mayday, mayday! My
pilot just died!"
Ground control receive her call for help and
answers back: "Don't worry, madam.
I'll talk you down, just do as I
say. First I need you to give me your height and position."
"I'm
5"2' and sitting in the right front seat."
Ground control: "Repeat
after me: Our Father..... who art in
Heaven....
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Post by Alyssa on Oct 4, 2011 10:00:07 GMT -5
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Post by Alyssa on Oct 21, 2011 9:28:08 GMT -5
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Post by resolute2010 on Dec 4, 2011 10:26:56 GMT -5
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Post by resolute2010 on Dec 4, 2011 11:19:13 GMT -5
It was Christmas time and this woman invited all her family of 30 folks to her house to eat. So they gathered around the table and she asked her 8 yr old son to say a prayer.
The little boy said: "But, mom, I do not know what to say."
She said: "Say what I said this morning."
So he said: "Dear God, why oh why oh why did I invite all these people to my house?" Amen.
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Post by resolute2010 on Dec 16, 2011 6:34:46 GMT -5
Heroes can be naughty sometimes:
Two men are drinking in a bar at the top of the Empire State Building, one an Obama voter, the other a Republican. The republican turns to the Obama voter and says: "You know last week I discovered that if you jump from the top of this building- by the time you fall to the 10th floor, the winds around the building are so intense that they carry you around the building and back into the window." Hearing this, the bartender just shakes his head in disapproval and continues wiping the bar.
The Obama voter says: "What are you a nut? There is no way in heck that could happen."
Republican: "No it's true let me prove it to you." So he gets up from the bar, jumps over the balcony, and careens to the street below. When he passes the 10th floor, the high wind whips him around the building and back into the 10th floor window and he takes the elevator back up to the bar.
The Obama voter tells him: "You know I saw that with my own eyes, but that must have been a one time fluke." Republican: "No, I'll prove it again" and again he jumps and hurtles toward the street where the 10th floor wind gently carries him around the building and into the window. Once upstairs he urges his fellow drinker to try it.
Obama voter: "You know what, I'm a PHD. A college professor. Heck, I teach liberal arts!! And if there's one thing I'm sure of, if there's anything a Republican can do, I can do it better! I'll try it." So he chugs his Shirley Temple and jumps over the balcony, plunges downward, passes the 11th, 10th, 9th, 8th floors and hits the sidewalk with a 'splat.'
Back upstairs the Bartender turns to the other drinker and says: "You know, SUPERMAN, you're a real jerk when you're drunk."
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